Wednesday, January 18, 2012

What I am going to Live for...

Wow. Do you know what I realized today? Photography is not going to matter when I'm on my death bed. It's not. However I die, I won't be reminiscing on the 'great photo I did last week', or the achievements I received for my 'talents' in photography. I just won't. Thats not how I want to live my life-as though photography Were my life. Because it is not.
Oh Sure it can help you! It is therapeutic. And sure it can promote great messages that can change the lives of others-it is a form with which one can use to get their voices herd
....but it cannot save you.
Only God can save you, if you're willing to accept Him.

When I die, the thoughts that will be passing my mind will probably be of my family, and of my friends, and of parts of my life, but most importantly, I feel as though they will be of God. Did I build a real relationship with God in this life?
Did I live my life to the fullest expectation that God knows I can live my life to?
Or was I too caught up in creating 'art' for myself and for others?
... Was that really something worth risking or wasting my eternal salvation for?

My answer: No, no its Not.

But be my guest if you want to. I think I'd rather have a real relationship with an Eternal God.
Where I want to go, there will be no need for photography.

So my question these past few months has been - why, then, do I stress over it SO much?
Why is it that my self esteem drops when my photo isn't 'the best' in the class?
Who says that I need to live up to the 'worlds expectations' of me!
Did the world grant me my life or my talent?
...Did the world even do anything to help form who I am today?
I can't say it has done anything of the sort.
But God has.

The world never keeps its interest on one thing, it is constantly looking for the 'newer' and 'better' thing.

If you are anything like most artists deep down inside, you feel like your 'value' is dependent upon how many people Know you or Like your work.
Your 'self-worth' then is going to continually vary based on how the 'world' judges your work at that moment-if anyone even pays attention to it all.

Is this a very smart thing? To hold our value as an artist or as a person in regards to what the worlds standards are?
Yet it is what most of us do everyday, with our reputation, academics, talents, looks, speech, actions, etc.

But when you are with God, you do not need to live for the appraisal of the world to know that You have value-You know that You have God, who came down and Died for You so that you could live with Him forever, regardless of how 'good' you are in this subject or that.

So I have made up my mind today. I am going to try and change my mentality with photography being my 'life'.

You can call this foolish or restrictive or whatever else you will, but I have happily decided how I Want to live My life here on Earth.
I will still do my photography to the best of my ability (after all, it Is the talent God supplied me with), and to take whatever chances I get to Help a causes/someone out through my work.
But as far as letting it controlling my self esteem, my happiness and my life-I will pray it will be powerless.
The only thing I want to truly live for and die for is God, and God alone.
And again I pray that this is something I can live up to truthfully one day - to live to praise God over struggling to get the praise of Man.
And if this is your desire to, to let go of one of your burdens you regard too highly,
I pray that God gives you the strength to overcome it as well.

Isaiah 12:2-
Surely God is my salvation;
I will trust and not be afraid.
The LORD, the LORD himself, is my strength and my defense;
he has become my salvation.

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